My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
