I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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