sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
