I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
