that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
