I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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