no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
