someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
