I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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