Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
