areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
