I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
