cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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