U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
