Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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