he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
