And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
