My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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