is your mom at the bar?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
