Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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