well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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