She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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