I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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