This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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