I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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