Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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