put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
