I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
