Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
