hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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