just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
