Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
