Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
