I look better un-naked...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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