Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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