he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
