You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
