I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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