yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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