That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
