k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
