Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
