her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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