Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
