He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
