it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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