So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
