and you said cock pushups were impossible
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
