dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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