he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
